Episode 070 – Do you pre-fail?

Hello! I’m your host, Lorraine Stone, and on today’s episode I’m asking you – do you pre-fail?

The number 1 reason why we don’t achieve health goals is the fear of failing, again.

So, we decide that because we’ve always failed, we’re bound to fail again this time, and therefore we pre-fail ourselves and don’t bother to start.

Pre-fail means you doubt your ability, so you just don’t try. Why bother?

You think that by not starting, not trying, you’re not going to hurt, upset, disappoint yourself in the long run. 

It’s a big lie. You can’t pre-fail and it not hurt you.

Every day that you are still overweight, do you feel better because you are not trying?

Every day that you have sat and done nothing, giving into your illness, do you feel better because you are not trying?

When have you ever thought to yourself “I am so glad that I am not trying, what a relief it is”?

It’s what you’re doing, but that’s not what you’re really saying. What you’re actually saying to yourself is “I hate that I look like this/feel like this/think like this, I don’t know why I just can’t get my act together”

You think you are staying safe and comfy. You think you don’t have to worry what other people think. But the truth is, you’re not safe and comfy. You’re miserable.

When I got sick and was told I’d never run again because that’s what happens with lots of others with my illness, if I’d listened to them instead of trying for myself I’d not have two marathon medals on my wall. 

If I had listened to them, and all the other people with my illness saying “we don’t do exercise now, it’s bad for us” I’d still be that absolute miserable mess that sat home alone crying myself to sleep every night because my life felt like it was over. 

If you’re not where you want to be, now is not the time to hide. It’s time to work.

You didn’t get to where you are overnight, so you’re not going to succeed overnight either. 

It’s learning to catch yourself and choosing in the moment to make the decision to move toward or away from what you want to achieve.

I want you to start saying to yourself: I can make mistakes and learn from them. It’s ok to fail. Failing is how I learn what works best for me.

The truth about me reclaiming my life? There was no silver bullet. I had to find self-integrity so that I would stick to the promises I made myself. We’re all pretty good at saying we have integrity, and that we don’t let others down. But how often do you let yourself down? Can you admit that you lack integrity because you lack self-integrity?

In going back to running, with my illness, I accepted that I wasn’t going to be fast anymore. I wanted to do it. So I did it anyway. I have been last in many races. I have finished more than I can remember when the finish line was already torn down. I’ve been sick again, over and over, with flares, respiratory infections, tumours, had surgery, been injured. 

Every time I had a setback, I learned, reflected, and found a new way to do things. 

The most recent tumours grew so large, and then with surgery, running is currently off the table. But that doesn’t mean that I have stopped moving. I go to the gym instead and lift weights. I go out for walks every day. Because I can. Because I get to choose. 

Mistakes are simply me finding my best version of me, finding new ways to be the best version of me. 

Stop thinking of it as failing and start thinking of it as an opportunity. 

Every opportunity you have to practice, and reflect, is an opportunity for growth. You are on the right path. All the mistakes and failures enable you to get what you want in life.

I fail all the time. I refuse to pre-fail. I used to say “nope, not today” because I didn’t want to do something. Now I say “nope, not today” when I catch myself pre-failing. 

My current goal is to lose all the weight I gained with slowing down with the tumours, the medicines, and being stuck sat doing nothing for nearly two months post-op. I had about two stone to lose when I started back in March. I’ve lost over one stone so far, although I’m starting to level out because I’m lifting heavy weights and building muscle, which is much better than not doing so as you lose muscle along with fat when losing weight. 

Several times over the past few years I have had to quit sugar, it’s really not good for my lungs and the volume of nose bleeds I have. It’s fairly easy to start with, then I’ll eat a small piece of birthday cake for instance and that sugar craving is reignited. Then it’s time to choose. I can either say, oh well I ate cake, I may as well eat a load of other crap and start again on Monday. Or I can say I really liked that cake, but it’s not messed up my plans, I’ll carry on with my healthy eating now.

I’ve done both. Hence I’ve had to quit sugar several times… It’s easier to get back to the goal straight away.

Be ok with it being scary and unknown. 

For the three months before surgery I was at the gym lifting weight to build my back and legs so that I had the strength to lift myself up once my belly had been cut open and my core muscles would be out of action, and thank goodness I did because my bladder was still aggravated after being squashed flat and I had to get up for the loo every 20 minutes or so. If I couldn’t move myself, I’d be relying on someone else to lift me all the time. 

You never ever know what will happen in life, but I can guarantee that things will if you choose to do them anyway. That thing could be that you reach your goal and you feel so proud of yourself, or that thing could be that you need an operation but you’ve gained so much weight your surgery gets cancelled because you’re too heavy for the bed and you need a specialist theatre unit, and you feel so ashamed of yourself, which is sadly what happened to a friend of mine very recently.
Still think that pre-failing doesn’t hurt?

Please do share your key takeaway from this episode and if you enjoyed this episode please pop over to where you listen to podcasts and rate and review, so that we can get this podcast seen by others who need it too.

To find out more on how to take your life back from a chronic illness and learn to love the body you’re in now, you can email me and you can also find me on Instagram. I’ve put a link to both in the shownotes. 

Thanks for listening, and remember – you are worth it, and you get to choose.

Have a lovely day.