111 – Small step strategies for when the world feels against you

Hello loves

Do you ever feel like the world is against you? You just want one thing to be simple and straightforward so you can cross it off the list, especially when you outsource it and pay someone else. I recently got a new front door, 3 doors later it’s still not right. I ordered a new bed, it took 3 beds. I needed a new oven, and the guys I paid to install it couldn’t fit it into the standard sized housing properly. It shouldn’t be that difficult.

Difficult is having a chronic illness you can’t get diagnosed, or get under control. Difficult is having anxiety or depression making you feel like you’re crazy. Difficult is grieving. Difficult is having a stressful job.

When you go through difficult things like that, it’s normal to then want to keep control of everything, so that nothing else can fall apart. That might be keeping the house immaculate. It might be putting expectations on others. It might be asking all the questions to pre-empt what others might do. Anything to attempt to control the outcome.
Ultimately, as you already know, we have zero control over anything outside of how we respond to things. Knowing it and doing it are two very different things. It’s easier when we’re in a good place to think we’ll act as our best selves. Until the time comes that our fight or flight kicks in, and we’re terrified, often without knowing we feel that way. And we start to control. So, when things that are meant to be straightforward, such as a new oven, also go wrong, it can really flip you over the edge.

We all have moments when one problem comes after another, leaving you feeling like the world is against you. You try to stay on top of things but it feels like the harder you try, the worse things get, and the problems just keep on coming. The worry brings the anxiety, which brings the sleep problems, which brings eating the crappy food, and the cycle continues.

But in order for you to believe that the world is on your side, and not against you, to get your thoughts and emotions back under control, you take small steps, one at a time.

These are my favourite small step strategies to do just that.

Breathe. 

When you feel anxious or stressed, breathing becomes sharp and shallow, which will leave you feeling even more stressed. Take long, deep breaths. Ideally through your nose, but if it’s blocked, the mouth is fine. Focus on nothing else, but the sound of your breath, your belly moving, and the stillness of your body. Notice your thoughts, observe them, and let them pass. Don’t judge them, don’t ponder them, don’t berate them, just let them be.

Ditch any of your to-do list that you can. 

If it’s not urgent or important, or can be done by someone else, then you don’t need to do it. When it feels like the world is against you and you’ve got one problem after another to solve, try to take the pressure off. Don’t expect your usual level of productivity when you’re feeling like this. You’re already fighting hard to get back to a good place and that means you might not have the same focus or energy for your usual tasks. If stuff seems impossible, break it down even smaller. It’s better to have a longer list of smaller, easier to solve problems, than a short list that’s completely overwhelming. It will feel more like you’ll get through this and less likely to lose your temper.

Be kind to yourself. 

Talk to yourself as you would a loved one. Take care of yourself. Difficult times take a lot out of you. Your body, mind, and soul all get a little worn down and exhausted. This makes you more at risk of not being able to cope with the next thing that comes along. Eat nourishing food, and often. Stay hydrated. Do gentle exercise, like walks or stretching in nature to keep the muscles moving, and to remember the world is beautiful. You know I’m a fan of bed or sofa yoga and stretching. Nap when you need to.

Focus on what is going right. 

Don’t make everything all-encompassing. Not everything in your life is a problem. Remind yourself of what is going well. Remind yourself of what you have to be grateful for. Even the tiniest things count. Believe that this too shall pass. There is nothing permanent in life and that includes your problems, your challenges, and whether you feel the world is against you or with you. I am not able to do the Manchester marathon this April because my lungs are not up to it. I have deferred to next year, and, more importantly, it has freed up space for me to be able to go to New York for a half marathon, which I can walk if I have to, in April instead. If I’d have stayed stuck about not being able to run Manchester, I’d not have seen the blessing for going to New York City.

I recently had someone point out to me a behaviour that I have that I don’t like around how when I am super stressed I can start to control things, and it caused a problem between us. And I could choose that that becomes a thing that sticks in my mind and I struggle to let go of, or I can choose to be grateful for the blessing that someone had the courage to point out to me that this is a behaviour that I have. A behaviour that I don’t like. A behaviour that I learned and I know from whom I learned it from and I hate it in that other person that does it too. And now I can let this go. I can choose to actively behave differently. So in a painful unpleasant moment, there was still a blessing.

Grief, sadness, anger. It all passes. 

Yes it cycles around. But you can, and I know because I have learned, hold both grief and gratitude in one hand. You can hold sadness and happiness in one hand. You can be angry, even full-on ragey, and still laugh.

Even when the really difficult and painful things happen.

What’s going on for you at the moment that’s difficult? Not straightforward showing up as difficult, but actual difficult. Breathe, and be kind to yourself. Look for the good in things. I had to get a new passport, and somehow it arrived SIX DAYS after I applied online for it. My driving license arrived in under ten days. My windscreen cracked, and had to be replaced, and it actually went well and doesn’t leak (and yep, I expected to find the car full of water…!). All because with everything else going wrong, why would I trust that those things would go right too, but they did.

And that’s it for this week.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, so that we can get this out to other people who would like to take back the life a chronic illness stole from them.

And remember, you are worth it, and you get to choose.

Have a lovely day.