Episode 87 – 6 ways to stop feeling so meh

Hello loves

Everyone seems to be at a default mode of constantly stressed, so much so that it’s not often I hear other emotions get mentioned. It also seems easier to tell ourselves that we’re stressed than to have to think about how else we might actually be feeling, and stress is usually easily blamed on external sources and not ourselves whereas admitting feeling something else might mean we have to acknowledge our own responsibility in something.

Many people seem to interchange stress and anxiety quite often, probably for the same reasons. When I went back to my day-job after surgery last year, I felt anxious. I was given an extra role to take on for a few months, which definitely caused stress, this increased the anxiety, and yet I now know that anxiety was actually sadness because I was grieving. Although, sadness doesn’t begin to describe it. Take a listen to episode 83 and 84 for more on how it actually showed up in my life.

We all know that long-term stress and anxiety can be detrimental for both physical and mental health. We all know that when we have a chronic illness, both will follow. It’s a vicious cycle.

Life has been pretty grey for me in the last few months. Overshadowed by grief, I was unaware that I wasn’t seeing life in the same technicolour that I once did. Showing up as a lack of connecting to future events, arranging anything, even looking for a honeymoon destination didn’t seem as much fun as others seem to have. It’s so upsetting for me to realise this, I got so good at realising it when it came to my health, how did I not see it with grief?! Which only seems to make everything harder.

Being happy and self-confident is a mindset shift. 

But managing it is easier said than done. If you’re not sure how you’re doing, take a look at how you’re caring for yourself. When did you last take a shower? Wash your hair? Shave your legs? Notice how your food tastes? Wear something that isn’t your pyjamas?

At the end of the day, the only thing that you can control is how you respond to things. I know that the only way out of this grief is through, and to do that I need to make sure I’m taking care of me. Something I haven’t been very good at the last few months.

So these are 6 of my more simpler things to do every day that make me feel better. Now I remember I said simple, not easy:

1. Eat fruit and veg every day, at least two meals. 

Yeah, it can be boring yet eating fruit and veg is getting fibre into your system, which helps to regulate gut bacteria, which in turn helps to regulate hormones. Diet is really important—it’s 80% of the battle. I’ve started buying frozen fruit and having it with some yogurt and cereal for breakfast. Takes less than half hour to defrost. Frozen cherries and cheerios. Love it.

2. Try vitamins. 

The only supplements or medication that I carry over from my early ME days are magnesium, vitamin B12, and vitamin C. They help me sleep, help my muscles relax, and can also help support the metabolism of cortisol, the stress hormone. I take them all at night. But remember, vitamins and supplements do not make up for a poor diet.

3. Take deep breaths. 

Actually, just check you’re even breathing properly! I am exceptionally guilty of this one. I lived in my head for so long, so scared to feel my heart, that I often didn’t realise that I was shallow breathing most of the time. Now that I’m learning to live more in my body, I notice the pain around my heart, and whenever I feel it I take several deep breaths. Several studies reveal the benefits of deep-breathing exercises for a couple minutes, three to five times a day. Research shows that it helps to lower cortisol levels, ease anxiety and depression, and improve memory. I love the Calm app, which has some great exercises on it. Also fantastic for when you can’t get back to sleep at night.

4. My least favourite – Reduce your caffeine intake. 

Honestly, I’m thinking I need to put a sticker on my Nespresso machine that says “why exactly are you reaching for a third coffee?” because this was always a first obvious clue to me that I’m heading into a flare, although to be fair, as episode 83 talked about, I mistook symptoms of grief for a flare, so I am working on forgiving myself. Those with a chronic illness can experience worsened fatigue when cortisol levels are way off balance. We then rely on more caffeine to get through the day. It’s a vicious cycle: the caffeine wears off and you’re exhausted again. Caffeine can raise cortisol levels and it doesn’t address the root of the problem, which is balancing hormone levels. I have talked in the past about ditching coffee entirely. Can’t do it. What I’m doing instead is having a multi-vitamin drink when I’m first up, and trying to delay when I have my first coffee, as cortisol is at its highest when we first wake, so we don’t really need that coffee straight away. It’s also a diuretic and I don’t need something to further dehydrate my already sleep-dehydrated body.

5. Go outside. 

Simply being in nature among trees, flowers, birds, and plants may have a calming effect on the mind. If you can, take a walk, sit on your front step. As the weather gets warmer, it will become easier to take breaks and spend time outdoors. Try to get a few minutes of sun on your face around 10am and 4pm. According to research this is when the light is best to positively affect you through your eyes. It works in winter too. So don’t wear sunglasses for these few minutes, and I usually have to remind myself to take my glasses off because they have reactive lenses.

6. Don’t lead with fear. 

Putting fear first can be distracting. It allows us to make inappropriate, impulsive decisions we wouldn’t make otherwise. Being mindful of what you’re saying, to yourself and others, and what’s being said around you will help. Also be mindful of what you’re watching. At some point last year I binge-watched Law & Order SVU. I love that show, but it’s not exactly the most pleasant of topics to watch. When you start to feel anxious, or uncomfortable, or a little unsure, try taking deep breaths—trying these tips—will help you to lead with love, not fear.

You don’t need to try all of these tips at once,

Too much too soon can be overwhelming and that will cause stress. The best way to make lasting, positive changes is to do so little by little. Incorporate one or two into your routine at a time until they become habit, and slowly add in others.

I have talked about all these things before, because they work. I’m doing them again, because they work. It’s funny to think that I created my coaching programme over 10 years ago, and here I am still working my way through it, because it works, and because I stopped working it.

In the rooms we always finish with “it works if you work it, so work it you’re worth it” and it is so very true.

And on that note…

Remember – you are worth it, and you get to choose.

Have a lovely day.