Hello loves, how are you today?

Today I want to talk about 3 harmful behaviours that many of us do, that can actually hold us back. When we first set goals, or decide to make a change, the first few days, maybe weeks, we have excitement and it’s easier to remain focused. And then, as time passes, maybe it becomes harder, or maybe the shine starts to dull, or maybe you’re not seeing changes, and the old patterns start to creep back in.

I am not perfect. I have struggled with all of these. They never fully go away. I’m better at catching them. Sometimes they reappear phrased, or showing up, in a new way, and we just start the process again. When you can identify them, you can start to change them. Bad days, over thinking, and negative self-talk, happens to all of us. Your choice is whether you want to stop them in their tracks, or give them the opportunity to ruminate, believe them, and let them derail you.

1) Crippling self-doubt

Having a bit of self-doubt is healthy. Even those who we’d consider to be the most successful people can have it despite their great achievements.

When you’re crippled by self-doubt, you can believe that you don’t have it in you to change, or to be a good person. Self-doubt makes the possibility of change uncomfortable, so you end up not facing it altogether.

It often leads to procrastination, and self-trust issues. You never trust that anything good can last, so you just avoid it. It’s better for you to be in pain forever than have a taste of happiness just for it to be taken away the next day. Even when you know you’re with the right people you still find yourself constantly on your toes, waiting for the other shoe to drop. You let yourself down, by not keeping promises you make to yourself, and you start to wonder if you can rely on yourself at all.

Personally, procrastination is probably the thing I most struggle to overcome. I often find myself paralysed by what could happen that I end up just not trying, or delaying it until I have absolutely no choice but to do it.

2) Refusing to change

Change is uncomfortable, for sure, and it can be easy to just sit in complacency in your present situation, even if it’s a bad situation, because change means to get up and face the discomfort.

There are those who believe that others should change, that others need to learn new things, that they know all that they need to. If you believe you’re too good to change, you’re probably not. Everyone has room for growth—yes, even the best people you know.

Making mistakes is just about the most human thing there is. Even if you’re the absolute best person on earth, you’re still capable of making mistakes like everybody else. The fear of making mistakes is, to some degree, rational. It might cause damage to something that you worked hard to achieve, or it might even damage your relationships.

It’s perfectly natural to make mistakes, but sometimes, we can find ourselves avoiding it because we lack a sense of responsibility. So when you make mistakes, you blame it on someone or something else. You make excuses. You’d rather blame someone or something else than take accountability for the situation you are currently in.

Sometimes we agree to do something because we’d rather avoid the conflict that you believe might happen if you say no, or set a goal because it’s what others are doing, even if it’s not really what we want for ourselves.

3) Believing that life is just too difficult

It’s true that life is difficult—but it’s never an excuse for being unkind to others, especially to yourself. If you believe life is simply too difficult for you to make an effort, you’ll never be able to be the person you want to be. Negative emotions or thoughts are never going away. Pain and illness is never going away. But every day, we wake up, we can choose to get out of bed, and face it.

Sometimes this can make us very impatient. We want to be immediately good at something. Or get better. So when it seems like we’re struggling, we often immediately give up, feeling stupid. If you’re just starting to exercise, don’t be impatient for results. If you’ve just gotten into therapy, don’t think you can overcome your trauma and fears overnight. Change is a constant process. Baby steps are just as important as big, significant changes. You won’t know how far you’ve come until you look back one day and see it.

Pessimism can be a coping mechanism when it feels like bad things keep happening to you. if you expect the worst then you won’t be surprised. When something good actually happens, we’re pleasantly surprised. But when the bad thing happens, we just say we saw it coming. But when you believe too much in your fears, they become self-fulfilling prophecies. You’ll sabotage yourself just to make the belief that nothing good happens to you come true.

You must believe you can change. 

You must believe in your ability to break away from your harmful behaviours. More importantly, believe in yourself enough so you stop refusing to change. Don’t let your fears dictate your life.

If you have done something or believed something for years, it’s not going to change overnight. Take it slow, and remind yourself that not everything you think or do is true.

If you like these questions and ponderings, sign up to my weekly newsletter to get tips and tricks from inspirational strategies to motivating mindset hacks I’ve used on myself in my fight against my illness, and with my clients in theirs. There’s a link in the podcast bio, or you can find a sign-up link on my homepage – lifeinalign.com

And remember, you are worth it, and you get to choose.

Have a lovely day.