When it comes to confidence the old adage “fake it til you make it!” couldn’t be more true.  Confidence comes from trying something, giving it your best, and if you fluff it up, you re-assess and give it another shot.  Learning to believe in yourself and reaching for new challenges, instead of allowing external circumstance to affect your life and watch opportunity pass you by, are how to build confidence.  Once you achieve it on the outside, you will start to feel it on the inside.  Confidence is earned by hard work.

There are tricks to appearing confident, but there is a fine line between confidence and conceit.  Unfortunately this line is usually determined unconsciously by the “audience” based on their own level of confidence.  Then we have those that are just too damned cocky, but that’s an entirely different article! The biggest thing about confidence is patience and the key to patience is in learning your triggers.  What types of situation or personalities trigger your insecurities causing you to react negatively?

Vulnerability is an important social tool, but sometimes no one needs to know when you’re not feeling confident.  You need to be confident to make a great impression, but in unfamiliar situations or with unfamiliar people being confident on the outside is far more important than being confident on the inside.  Lots of things make a person confident, all can be learned, and, fortunately, we are already masters at some of them.

So how?  This is 5 of the things I have done, and continue to try and do.  Some days it is easier than others!

Take an honest look at yourself and be a realist. 

Do you have goals that you work towards or do you have “when I’m slimmer/in less debt/ in a relationship then I’ll …” goals? Conceit or confidence?  Do you just talk the talk (conceit) or do you walk the walk (confidence)? What are your weaknesses? What can you do to start to develop them into strengths? What are your strengths? Knowing your strengths helps to maintain belief in yourself when someone criticises you, fairly or not.  When you’re feeling insecure you’re more likely to be aggressive than assertive.  Once you’re more aware of strengths and weaknesses you should begin to keep insecurities under better control.  Happiness comes from within.  Burst that bubble of comfort and do the scary thing!

Confidence is all about the little things

I’m really feeling old adages today, so here’s another – “take care of the pennies and the pound will take care of itself”.  This applies with wins too.  Celebrate the small stuff.  If you ate the frog and finally did that horrendous task that you have been putting off – celebrate it! I love the feeling I get when ticking things off a list. It’s this psychological factor that makes sense for breaking goals down into smaller achievable tasks. 

Exercise

Not only is it great to be healthy, but it boosts confidence, self-esteem and body image as you see yourself achieve things you couldn’t before.  I’d take exercise-induced endorphins over a glass of wine any day.  Yes, I realise you may have stopped reading this now…

Dress for success

People say dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.  I thoroughly agree.  However, I also say dress for who you are.  What we wear can have a huge impact on our confidence, or lack of, and on the aspects of personality that we show.  If you work in a very corporate environment, but you like bright colours, the 1950’s, or the androgynous look, find ways to blend this into what is seen as the social norm.  Start small, but always be yourself.

Confidence means saying no 

It is a complete sentence. No. Research shows that if you are not confident in saying no you are likely to have higher stress levels, experience burnout, or develop anxiety and depression.  All confidence bashers.  Saying no to something means that you can honour existing commitments, spend more time with your family, keep time set aside for yourself for that exercise.  Or wine.  Or both. All very important.

So, there you have it! Five of the things I have found super-helpful to make me feel confident when I’m not feeling it at all.

Want an extra boost with your confidence?  Click the below and grab my worksheet on how to re-frame your thoughts around a circumstance for a kick-arse mindset for confidence, or anything else playing on your mind.