Your core values are the golden eggs of your life

I needed to look at what my core values were when I first got sick. I was working too much, sacrificing the things I enjoyed, spending more and more time isolated away from loved ones (although as an introvert, it wasn’t so obvious that I was doing this last one) and it was safe to say that I had navigated way too far from my path.

Having health as a core value influences, for instance, what I would eat. When I first got sick it was easy to eat junk food, anything quick, or comforting. Some nights it was a huge sharing bag of salt and vinegar crisps, nothing more. Obviously this did nothing to improve my health….

Being present became a core value. I had to stop looking back at what I could no longer do, and not look too far ahead when I didn’t have any control over where it might be heading. Now, I have more control over my illness, so I have more control over the goals I choose for my future, but being present has remained a core value.

Why are core values important?

How do you know if your life is going in the right direction? How do you decide what’s most important? What are your priorities? Answer: your core values. Guiding us in how we live, work, act, behave, and what we decide, our values show what we stand for and allow us to live fulfilled, in alignment, and with integrity.

When you don’t know them, or when you don’t follow them, you can feel lost, stressed, and unsure of what’s the best thing to do. Our emotional, mental and physical selves are positively affected when we live by our values, and when we don’t, we suffer.

Understanding your core values helps you to make decisions about how to live your life, decisions such as:

• What should I do for a career?
• Should I accept this job/promotion/start my own business?
• Should I compromise my position on a situation?
• Should I take this fork in the road?
• Is this the right partner for me?
• Do I want to be/stay friends with this person?
• Do I want to start a family?

What are your core values?

Everyone has different values.

This isn’t about what you should value, or what other people think. This is about you, and starting to live life how you want to, for you and for your family.

To reveal your values

Grab a pen, note pad, a quiet spot to sit and clear your mind.

Think of a situation in your home life when you felt happy.

Answer the following questions:

1. What were you doing?
2. What else were you feeling?
3. What was happening to/around you?
4. Who else was around?
5. Where were you?
6. What other aspects were making you feel like this?
7. What need or desire was fulfilled / suppressed?
8. How and why did the experience give meaning /take from your life?

Repeat the questions again using the a situation that fits the following emotions:

• Proud
• Angry
• Sad

Repeat the exercise again, answering each question for the four emotions, but this time for situations at work.

What’s most important?

Beyond basic need (food, shelter, water), what must you have in your life to experience fulfillment?

Sometimes it’s easier to consider how your life is detrimentally affected when we don’t have something.

For instance do you work 10+hrs a day, seven days a week, and feel conflicted about not spending time with family?

Download a list of core values here:

As you go through the list, highlight as many as you relate to, click with, just feels right. Now you’ve finished going through the list, are there any words that you want to cross off because another obviously stands out above it? Cross ’em out!

Group the highlighted values

You now have a master list, probably with many values highlighted. So now we need to group these together how they relate to each other. Depending on how you interpret each of these words will depend on how you will group them together. For instance, candour, honesty and sincerity could be grouped together. Or, fidelity, loyalty and trustworthy. You may decide to group all six together.

Get choosing

Now that the words are grouped together, again, are there any words that you want to cross off because another obviously stands out above it? Get crossing out.

Still with the words in their groups, compare the first word in the list to the second. Use the following questions to help you decide:

1. Which of the two speaks to you more?
2. Which of the two is more important?
3. Which one makes you feel good about yourself?
4. Which one represents your inner desires and consistent with who you are?
5. Would you be comfortable and proud sharing this word with people you respect and admire?
6. Are they your words and not ones that society/family thinks you should pick.

If both feel right, keep them both, for now. Move on to comparing the word you kept, with the next on the list.

How many values should you have?

5-10 is a good balance. Too many and you could still be conflicted, if you can remember them all (I certainly wouldn’t). Not enough and they won’t represent who you are.

Now you have your words, give it a few days and then re-visit to see if they really fit with how you want to live your life.

Values are usually fairly stable, but as you move through life, your values are likely to change. As your definition of success changes (from career to family for instance), so do your personal values. This is why keeping in touch with your values is a lifelong exercise. You should re-visit your core values often, especially if you start to feel unbalanced… and you can’t quite figure out why.

Going forward, when needing to make decisions, consider your values to keep your integrity and have the confidence to know what you are doing is right for your priorities, and your future happiness. It’s not always easy to do it this way, but it’s easier in the long-run than trying to undo something.