We all make excuses. Some are genuine: an actual crash on the motorway; some are less so: you left late, but say the motorway was “chaos” or we’re late because of so-and-so.
It’s human nature to find excuses to keep us safe, liked, accepted within the community. We also want to find reasons as to why we messed up, any reason to avoid an unnecessary guilt/shame-cycle we put ourselves through.
Nothing is wrong with you when you make an excuse, but, they don’t help you either. It’s impossible to be perfect. “Developing tolerance for imperfection is the key factor in turning chronic starters into consistent finishers. Do you know what will serve you far longer than perfectionism ever could? Moving forward imperfectly.” – Jon Acuff
Using others as an excuse is a way to get what you want AND throw your goals out the window.
Noble Obstacles
A noble excuse is something we have to take care of – kids, parents, partners, jobs, pets – if you are a mother, go-getter, or care-giver, this will resonate.
I have been guilty of this one! I have used work many times as an excuse to not do something. Not as a lie, I have always worked if I said it, but I could have made time if I had wanted to. From too-persistent guys, to avoiding something I didn’t want to deal with.
The point is, no one else should be an excuse for you not achieving your goal. Running around putting everything else ahead, at the expense of yourself, all because there’s something you’re afraid of that you won’t face up to.
It’s important to know what’s broken before you try to fix it, otherwise no plan for a goal will be able to stand up against it. You’ll keep looking for excuses.
Villains
Villains most of the time, are people. Your boss was an arse, the kids won’t behave, you had an argument with your partner.
Or, they can be things: the car wouldn’t start, the traffic was bad, the train was late.
They become your excuses to go off-plan.
Ever said/heard this?
– So-and-so really annoyed/upset/etc me, I deserve this to cheer me up.
– If X would just support me, then I wouldn’t Y
– I fell behind and couldn’t get started again.
or similar.
Basically – when it stopped being perfect, I stopped too.
Without villains, what excuse would you have? There is no upside. The stories are lies. They don’t force you to eat crap food, they don’t hold a gun to your head and make you stay on the sofa.
Trying to make others change is a huge waste of time, the only one you can change, is YOU.
Don’t make them villains, it’s not fair on them. Don’t ask for “permission”, ask for support. They take clues from you – they know if you’re not really into it.
Turn it around
Why do I say it’s unnecessary? Because as humans we are allowed to make mistakes, it’s how we learn and improve, if you choose to.
Have you become someone who will always quit on a new goal? Setting a goal is a promise to yourself, and when you don’t complete the goal, you’ve broken a promise to yourself and let yourself down. Do that enough times, and it’s who you become. You start to tell yourself “I won’t finish it anyway so why bother”, or similar.
Embrace imperfection. Nothing will ever go exactly as planned anyway, and if you can tolerate imperfect you have more chance of hitting your goal. Perfection will mess you up every step of the way.
Instead of perfect, or failure – prioritise. You can’t do everything. You can’t be perfect. Accept in advance that if you want to achieve this goal, some other things will have to take a back-seat for a while. This is what I mean by life in seasons. When you have a new-born, plenty of things get dropped to be able to get used to caring for a new baby. Same principle.
And tell people. When I’m in marathon training, my family and friends know, especially for peak-mileage weeks, that I’m not available. My priority is run, recover, rest (yes, they are different).
When you plan it in advance, it isn’t failure, there’s no reason to feel guilty. You planned for it. It’s not forever.
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