I want to discuss the idea of how to handle failure, or failure tolerance. From a techy perspective it means for a system to continue operating properly in the event of the failure of some of its components. For example, if you crack the left-hand-side of the screen on your phone the apps on the right may still open.
For us mere mortals, how to handle failure is more about not quitting no matter how much we might want to. Thomas Edison famously said “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”
We’ve all been there. We set a big goal, and we’re excited, and suddenly patience is no longer one of our virtues. Whether it’s to lose weight, be better parents, run a marathon, earn more money, get a qualification so we can change career, we want it to be easy, and to happen quickly. Who wants to make the effort? Surely we can invest some money, time will pass, we’ll put in effort, and without having to deal with any great failure of any kind we’ll get the outcome we want. Right? I should add, for completeness, that I’m talking about positive goals here, nothing irresponsible that could have detrimental outcomes for you, your family.
It’s not helped by a lack of support we sometimes receive either. If we’re struggling, we like to talk about it with friends and family. If they’re not on the same page, or have different priorities, they can sometimes tell you to give up then, or if it’s making you miserable why are you even bothering? This, is where a coach is a brilliant asset for you.
Learning to handle failure
The way to learn is to do. We can figure out anything, either on our own or with guidance from others. We have our own answers. As I did with how to fail, I want us to head back to when we were learning as kids in school. What if we were meant to start our education by receiving low grades? Or if a low grade meant there was no shame or ridicule, that it was purely because we only had more to learn? What if we got used to these failures, and gained confidence in improving by trying again and again. Failure would become something that was part of the norm?
I love asking my clients where they sit on a 1-10 scale. Consider 1 is “I hate it” and 10 being “I take it in my stride”. So, how do you feel when it comes to how you handle failure? Do you head down the path of complaining, quitting, buffering with chocolate, wine, etc. Does it spark a flame and make you work harder? Are you avoiding setting or starting on your goal? If so, your tolerance is low. Will you speak up in a meeting or volunteer for something? Yes? Your tolerance is higher. If you’re showing up for something that’s only within your comfort zone, your tolerance is low.
The worst part of failing, is what you think about it generates how you feel. So the first step, is to reframe it.
If you’re lower than a 6.
How would life look/feel/what would you be saying to yourself if you were willing to fail more? If you completely commit to and execute on a plan. If you can see that your worth is not attached to the failure then you can see it for what it is – data to analyse and improve upon.
Big goals are for:
- the journey
- the failure
- the strength
- the resilience
- the pride
Years ago when I left my husband and needed a second job to pay the mortgage, (before the solicitors did their thing so I could re-mortgage and move job) I worked in a call centre in the evenings, cold-calling for charities. I didn’t like it, but I kept going through each call the computer made. A couple of hundred per shift, with probably only 5 saying yes.
It’s the same principle for goals. Give something a try. If it doesn’t work, think about why and what you could do differently, then do it, and repeat. When it does work, and it soon enough will, keep doing it. This is how to handle failure. Keep going. The success will be so much sweeter.
Please get in touch if you’d like help with moving forward with your goals.
