If you’re anything like me, you have days when it feels like it’s all problems, and some (all) people are just such hard work. It’s not possible that we’re the problem, right?

If you’re also anything like me, in the past few years you have read books such as Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret (how was that 2006?!) or The Magic, or more recently Gabby Bernstein’s The Universe Has Your Back.

I’ll let you in on a little secret, I struggled with The Secret. The stories and anecdotes were nice, but I didn’t really connect, it didn’t point the way. So I was rather sceptical when one of my best friends suggested that I read The Magic. She had just bought the book, was insistent I’d love it, and that we should work through it together. We did. I love that book.

You don’t have any problems

That book was my second insight into how changing your mindset can, quite literally, work miracles. Back in the days of my regular hospital appointments for my illness (and before reading The Magic) came the first big fat clue. I was probably waxing lyrical about the adjustments I’m having to make etc. etc. and my consultant responds with “You don’t have any problems”. Erm… What now?!

There are only decisions

According to Dictionary.com a problem is –

  • any question or matter involving doubt, uncertainty, or difficulty.
  • a question proposed for solution or discussion.

Under those circumstances, he was right. However, it took him a little while longer to convince me… He sent me away with the mammoth task to write out ALL of my problems, and not just the health ones. I had quite the list… Everything from the ex STILL not signing the divorce papers, not being able to run anymore, keeping my home clean and tidy, cooking, working in London, and a lot of people went on the list!

A problem is anything we make ourselves miserable over until we make a decision. So when you think you have a problem, ask yourself “What am I avoiding, and what decision am I willing to make right now?”.

In truth, we’re usually avoiding something.

It pretty much fell into two categories –

  • stuff I had no control over (such as the ex) and the decision to be made there was to let it go and stop letting it bother me. I’d hand it over and put it out of my mind.
  • stuff I needed to make a decision on and probably hadn’t because so many things to decide seemed to overwhelm me. Cooking in batches, using takeaway containers for fridge/freezer, not using plates, solved a lot of the kitchen issues. I’d had a huge argument with someone, did I want to stay mad, forgive them and stay friends, or forgive them and move on. If I can’t run, what gentler exercise could I do?

Don’t get me wrong, there were some things that I could make a decision on, but was afraid to commit to.

It came down to a tenet of 12-step groups: grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Speaking of,

Keeping your side of the street clean

I also stopped taking on other people’s problems as my own. I listen, I guide, I coach, but they no longer sit with me as if they’re mine. A friend of mine tells herself “not my circus, not my monkeys” and I love that.

Tell me, what problems do you have?

If you’d like to go a little more in-depth, take a look at my work/life alignment starter worksheet to see where you are giving your energy, what your problems could be, and put together a little action plan to take a step forward to your own unique work life alignment for mental, physical, and spiritual wellbeing.

Nab worksheet