Does this seem familiar? You have several balls in the air, wondering how you’ll get everything done, when someone asks for a favour, or to go somewhere, and you said yes. You might even be quite excited, but as it draws near, and because you’ve since said yes to more people, you feel anxious, stressed, overwhelmed and wonder how exactly you’re going to be able to find time to fit it all in. You’re fed up, you’re tired, you’re ratty, you’re working longer and longer hours, and you’re still saying yes. And then, you’re beating yourself up. Yep, you’re overcommitted.
We get overcommitted because something new is exciting. Even more so when your day-to-day life could be feeling same-old. It’s great fun in the beginning, but then it gets hard and the results aren’t as frequent, such as dieting or a new fitness routine. And then boom, something new comes along that might be the silver bullet instead, so you switch to that.
We overcommit because we feel we’re not enough. Hello comparison-itis. So-and-so is working full-time, baking the cakes for school, sewing the costumes, maintains a great body, is really happy, and there’s you barely able to remember to put matching shoes on in the morning. Trying to achieve more isn’t the solution. If anything, trying to achieve more will have you forgetting about shoes altogether.
Saying yes to everything slows our growth to alignment and happiness. You overcommit, overpromise, and overdo for everyone else, but for growth, alignment and happiness you need to be overcommitted to YOURSELF.
What would happen if you overcommitted to you and started saying no to other people to be able to focus on you and what you want to achieve. That one goal that you seem to find excuses for avoiding doing. That one goal you are deliberately sabotaging by purposefully saying yes to others so you couldn’t have the time for yourself because you couldn’t possibly let them down.
So how do we commit to ourselves – make better choices!
Survey, schedule, prioritise
Grab your diary, in all its forms. Write down every single responsibility that you have. Work, family, food shopping, house stuff, social, etc. Have you already taken on too much? What is realistic? What can you ditch or delegate?
Say no, and mean it
Saying no can be difficult, but it does get easier. Remember, no is a complete sentence. You also don’t need to apologise. Other people don’t know what your commitments are. A very common sentence that came out of my mouth when I was at my peak of illness was “I don’t have the capacity for that.”. After a while people stopped asking.
Some of those people are only asking because it’s the easy version. I have a friend who used to message me for the best London tube route, because it was easier for her to ask me. She knew I would either already know or waste my own time looking it up. I had two choices here, one was to take hours to respond so she’d have to look it up herself, which is too passive-aggressive for my liking. Or tell her “I don’t know, ask Google”. The latter meant she soon stopped asking, and because I was no longer enabling her, she learned to do it herself and has since said she feels more confident navigating her way around London.
Avoid last-minute temptations
You’ve freed up that space in your diary to commit to yourself, but then last-minute someone asks you and that space in your diary is like a glaring hole, tempting you to overcommit. There are three aspects here. Firstly, block that time in the diary for you so it’s no longer a glaring hole. Secondly, is the new temptation something that is in line with your goals and will move the needle towards achieving them. Thirdly, take time to think about it – will you be able to complete the task at the best of your abilities, will it put something you have already committed to at risk. Yes, this includes what you have committed to for yourself.
And that’s it.
If you learn to respect you, others will learn to respect you. Remember that not having plans does not mean that you are lacking in some way. You are just as important as everyone else.
It always seems that there’s too little time and too much to do. But, selecting your activities and opportunities carefully is one of the most important skills to master for yourself, and to teach your children. Respectfully saying no, and maintaining your boundaries, is the best thing you can do to avoid letting others, and yourself, down in the future.
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